The phenomenon of fatherlessness does not only occur when the father is physically absent, but also when he is present but not involved in parenting. Children who grow up without a father figure are at risk of emotional and social difficulties. For this reason, Islam places the role of the father as a noble duty that must be carried out with full awareness. The Qur’an also presents many examples of the ideal father, who is close, gentle, and active in guiding his children. These examples serve as a foundation for children to grow up with a strong heart and a stable soul.
In Islam, a father is shaped by key characteristics. He is required to be a good role model, loving, and fair in every decision. He also needs to be communicative, present in quality interactions, and wise. Equally important, a father is encouraged to pray diligently for the well-being of his sons and daughters. It is these fatherly traits that can protect children from the absence of a father figure and foster a sense of security in them.
The Traits of an Ideal Father in the Qur’an
The traits of an ideal father can be found in several verses in Surah Yusuf, which directly describe the interaction between Prophet Yaqub as a father and his sons, especially Prophet Yusuf. Through the verses in Surah Yusuf, we can take away messages related to the ideal fatherly traits possessed by Prophet Jacob.
From the dialogues between Prophet Jacob and his sons in Surah Yusuf, we can find at least nine ideal fatherly traits in Prophet Jacob, including:
1. Full of Love and Affection for Children
The loving relationship between father and son is shown in Surah Yusuf verses 4 and 5, where Prophet Jacob calls his son, Prophet Joseph, “Ya Bunayya” or “O my son.” This is a term of endearment for a child. Meanwhile, Prophet Joseph calls his father “Ya Abati” or “O my father.” This form of address is also a result of Prophet Yusuf’s love and respect for Prophet Yaqub.
Not only that, the character of a father’s love and affection is also emphasized in many other stories of the prophets, including the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). He also said in a hadith narrated by Hakim that, “They are not my followers (if) they do not love the younger and respect the older.”
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2. Be a Good Listener
Being a good listener to children is the beginning of quality communication between fathers and children. Listening without judging children will make them grow up to be open and close to their fathers. When that happens, it will be easier for fathers to instill good values in their children.
Like the young Prophet Yusuf who told his father about his dreams. This was a form of comfort and trust that Prophet Yusuf had in Prophet Yaqub because he was a good listener to him.
This communication was also taught by the Prophet Muhammad. Several hadiths mention that the Prophet often joked with children, full of attention and affection. This communication did not diminish his authority and dignity in any way.
3. Be patient with children
Not all children behave pleasantly. In fact, some of them behave badly towards their parents. Parents who are patient in dealing with their children’s mischief can prevent other bad attitudes from their children that may arise one day.
The quality of patience shown by Prophet Jacob was good patience (jamiil), which is patience without complaint, worry, or anxiety. When his other children brought him false news that Prophet Joseph had been eaten by a wolf, he was patient and did not complain. When he became blind due to his grief over the loss of Prophet Yusuf, he was patient and restrained himself.
4. Avoiding and preventing conflict
Conflict here refers to conflict between siblings/children, as well as conflict between father and child. Even though Prophet Jacob saw something strange about Prophet Yusuf’s shirt, which was stained with wolf blood, he did not waver. Prophet Jacob chose not to prolong the issue, which could have led to further problems. In this way, conflict between father and son was avoided.
In another situation, Prophet Jacob also asked Prophet Joseph not to tell his brothers about his dream in order to prevent possible conflict between the brothers.
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5. Tawakal
Prophet Jacob’s attitude of tawakal as a father was evident when he had no choice but to allow his children to take Bunyamin with them on their trip to Egypt (for the second time). Tawakal was also the advice that Prophet Jacob gave to his sons after he had arranged a safe departure strategy for them.
Trust in God is very much needed in a father, especially in critical situations. A calm and trusting father will instill a sense of security in his children’s hearts and enable them to face all problems with faith.
6. Not despairing of Allah’s mercy
Not easily despairing is one of the prominent traits of Prophet Jacob as a father. Even though he had lost Joseph, he still believed and prayed to Allah to be reunited with his beloved son. This trait of not despairing was also a piece of advice he gave to his sons before they embarked on their second journey to Egypt.
In the story of Prophet Joseph, there are three critical situations. First, when Prophet Jacob and his family were struck by a famine that left his children with only low-value goods to trade. Second, when Prophet Jacob’s children had to embark on a risky journey to Egypt. Third, when Prophet Jacob told his children not to give up hope of finding out about the whereabouts of Prophet Joseph.
7. Complaining about every hardship only to Allah
“I only complain of my grief and sorrow to Allah.”
(QS. Yusuf: 86)
The above verse describes how Prophet Jacob put his trust only in Allah SWT. Even though his heart was broken because he lost his son (Bunyamin) for the second time, he still depended only on Allah and told only Him about his grief.
This attitude is one that can prevent despair from arising. This trait of the father can foster a sense of certainty in Allah’s mercy in every difficulty that is experienced.
8. Forgiving towards children
The patience and forgiveness that Prophet Jacob always showed to his children bore sweet fruit. By always forgiving his children, they finally admitted their mistakes towards Joseph and apologized to Prophet Jacob. Even though the difficulties and sadness experienced by Prophet Jacob were quite severe, he still forgave his sons’ mistakes and asked Allah SWT for forgiveness for them.
9. Protector of children
Prophet Jacob demonstrated his role as a protector of his children when he advised Prophet Joseph not to tell his brothers about his dream in order to avoid the evil caused by jealousy. On another occasion, Prophet Jacob also demonstrated his protective nature when he planned the departure of his sons to Egypt for the second time.
This protective nature can be demonstrated by praying for protection for a child. The Prophet Muhammad also exemplified this by praying for his two grandsons, Hasan and Husen.
“I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allah from all devils that cause anxiety and eyes that criticize.”
(HR At-Tirmidzi)
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Friends, those are the nine characteristics of an ideal father as exemplified by Prophet Jacob as a father figure to his 12 sons. However, the characteristics of a father above are not about perfection, but rather about sincere presence. Children only need someone who is willing to listen, embrace, and gently guide them. These fatherly traits will foster a sense of security and prevent them from experiencing the phenomenon of fatherlessness, which is now very high in Indonesia.
Remember that every small step a father takes means a lot to his children’s hearts. It is from their fathers that children learn strength, love, and the direction of their lives. (RQA)